semifreakingnormal | Entries tagged with fallout is more enjoyable as a game

[The breach ends and Scott is exhausted, from the drifts and the new memories and the attacks. He doesn't want to think about how many people got hurt there, because it's impossible not to think of that place as real. There's another him somewhere, piloting a Jaeger with another Clementine, and they're both fighting for their lives.

He makes his way back to his bedroom and drops face first onto the bed, not realizing how long he's actually been asleep. That's where he'll be found, but the usual conga line of visitors. Except this time, he'll probably wake up when people start talking around him.]

[Public Video, later]

[Scott looks really weirded out. Like. Really. For a moment he just stares into the camera; it passes, and he shakes his head like he needs to physically clear it.]

Okay, so...I guess I was asleep for a while. Sorry, if that freaked anyone out. [A beat.] It's totally freaking me out.

Anyway, I'm back, so if anyone needs me, uh, I'm here? I guess I never actually left...[He mutters the last to himself, and decides to turn the feed off there before he starts babbling incoherently.]

[Private to Clementine]

How are you?

[It's not a lead in to something else. It's not just polite small talk. When he asks, he means it. He's worried about her, because in the unlikely chance she needed him, he wasn't awake to answer.]

[He is terrified of this assignment.

Okay, maybe not terrified - he's not afraid of Clementine, really. It's not like this is the one he has memories of. The Clementine he knows was kind of cool when he was on the verge of freaking out about being a girl. But he has those memories, and they're kind of hard to forget. He's never bitten anyone before. He's never made a beta before, and that thought does kind of terrify him. How could he put anyone else through what he went through?

...Admittedly, it's not like he'd try to give anyone creepy sleepwalking nightmares and try to force them to kill someone with him. He's pretty sure he's better than Peter in that light. But Derek had made his share of mistakes, too, and - mostly, Scott just never wants to think about what the other him had done to other her on the other Barge.

And now they're paired. He'd flipped through her file, briefly, but when he caught sight of her gruesome death, he closed it pretty firmly and headed for her cabin instead.

He remembers, from the other ship, but along the way he catches her scent, too. It's that he winds up following, opening himself up to all the things he can smell for the first time since they got back.

At her door, he hesitates, shifting his weight from foot to foot. Finally he knocks, running a hand through recently cut hair. He's about to knock again when he remembers that she was one of the ones who had been out of commission for a while, and that jars him. Had anyone even checked on her? Scott tries the knob, easing the door open to let himself in.]

[Scott's been over the death toll for a while now. Physically, at least: the aches and the pains stopped. He feels like himself, or he would, if he could get out of his head. Because that still feels clouded over, like a shroud has been thrown over him and he can't claw his way free.

He died. He should be dead. He's alive.

Those three sentences, in no particular order, chase themselves across his thoughts. But he can't let that be an excuse. No one else does. And there are more important things going on here in the dark.

When the video comes on, Scott's in his room, with some candles and a battery powered lantern lighting various parts of the room. He's sitting on his bed, his lacrosse stick sitting across his lap.]

Jack's gone. I was hoping, while I was over there - on the other Barge - I didn't have my Item there. But his name isn't on it any more, and...I can't smell him anymore.

[He stares at the lacrosse stick, thumb running over the empty spot where it used to say Jack Shepherd.]

He was a really good guy, and...I just, he deserved another chance.

I'm sorry, if anyone's been looking for him. I just hoped he was still here.

[He kills the feed.]

[Private to the Admiral]

I don't know if you're still there - God, I hope you are. But when we - get moving again, or when you're not worried about...all of this. Can you change my Item?

I was thinking my mom's watch. The one my dad gave her. I don't know if that'll work, it's not like you've ever seen it, but...If you can. Thanks.

( open spam! )

[Okay. He learned from the last time. He doesn't have to apologize. That doesn't mean he's not struggling with the memories of what he did.

Scott's eyes aren't quite red rimmed, but he is far from relaxed. It's obvious he's broadcasting from the infirmary: there still some structural damage around as the Admiral slowly fixes things.]

I'm, um.

[Sorry sorry sorry sorry. He swallows it back, draws in a shaky breath.]

I'm in the infirmary. [He looks around over his shoulder.] Obviously. I know there's not a lot the doctors can do for people who are death tolling. But one of the things I learned at home can help. I can take away pain, when I touch people. So, I'll - I'll be here. I'l be around. Just let me know if you're hurting, and I'll make it better for a while.

[He doesn't mention that he takes the pain on himself. He hopes Stiles and Dean won't say anything, either. It feels like penance, though that's not the only reason he's offering. If he can help people and feel like he's scouring away his guilt, well...then he's going to.]

[Private to Peter]

You were right. I'm definitely thanking you after.

Are you okay?

[Spam for Stiles and Lydia]

[He's been at her bedside in the infirmary since they reappeared back on the Barge, waiting for her to wake up. He knows she will. Knows it deep in his gut, because the Admiral hasn't failed them like this. He won't leave her there, and he won't leave her dead.

There's a whisper of doubt in his thought, and he's doing the best he can to banish it. It leaves his throat and mouth dry, and he doesn't know what to do.

Looking over the bed at Stiles, he draws in breath to say something, anything, but he can't. It wasn't him, but he remembers tearing her throat out, he remembers Stiles' face when it happened, and he has to look down at his hands again.]

[He's been back about an hour, just sitting in his room. It's not that he doesn't want to be here. He does. He needs to be here, to make things right again, and still all he wants is to rewind the clock, to go back to weeks ago, before their darkness spilled out into the world. Everything had looked bright. Okay. And now...

Now he understands why Stiles didn't want him to go back. Nothing will be like it was. Not until he saves Allison.

And he can't do that by letting people think he isn't here. He gets up, splashes water on his face, stares at himself in the mirror until he thinks his expression is normal. It's close enough. Drying off, he goes back to sit on the bed and picks up the communicator. When it clicks on, he smiles, and it's still Scott underneath, even if it's not quite as bright. He's older, though, only a year but it feels longer. His hair is shorter, he looks stronger. He's trying to hide the rest, and doing a decent job of it. But only decent.]

Hey, guys. I'm back.

[He waves his free hand. Semi-awkward Scott McCall is still under the new haircut! And is that a tattoo peeking out from under his left sleeve?]

So, did I miss anything good? I think...I was a troll, the last flood. How long ago was that?

[Once he gets past the urge to just spew apologies, once he feels a little less like tearing his hair out, he gets on the network.]

You know, I don't remember if I ever said anything about it. But there's an animal clinic on board. [He holds up a set of keys, jingles them.] That's what those keys were, a while ago. I've got some experience working in one so, um. If anything happens, I've got stuff for splints and vaccines and worms and stuff. Since it'd be really easy for one to infect a whole bunch, you know?

[He pauses, because he remembers how people said apologies were unnecessary, that flood-selves weren't real, but like before, it just feels necessary, just to get it off his chest.]

And I'm sorry I was so...I'm just sorry.

[Private to Daneca]

You especially.

[Private to Jack]

So that's got to be, like, the worst thing to get paired off of, right? [WORST BEHIND THEM THOUGH right? right?]

[Private to Iris and Bruce, separately]

And thanks. For not letting me do something...really bad.

[Spam for Alana]

[He thinks Alana probably needs more than a straightforward apology, though he's not sure why. Something tells him she doesn't really have friends here, and while it's kind of weird trying to be a friend to someone who could be, like, a school therapist or counselor or something, he also thinks it'd be nice to know that someone's thinking of you.

Or something. He's seriously not over thinking it.

So eventually, Scott makes his way to her door, knocking. He knows there's a dog in there.]

[Scott hasn't been out and about lately, but the few who have seen him around will note that he looks better. A little less freaked, less drawn, less doubting why he's here. He looks solid again - and concerned.

And maybe a touch afraid because this is a big thing for him, okay.]

I'm a werewolf.

[Oh god he just said it this is huge-ish] I only have been for a few - I guess a couple months, now. I don't really know crap about it, but I know - I'm not that douche from the flood, or the other Barge, or whatever that was. I'm not an alpha. I couldn't turn anyone even if I wanted to and trust me - I really, really don't.

I know everyone's tired of apologies, but I just need to say it, for me. I'm not that guy. I'm nothing like that guy, cause that guy was like the psycho who bit me, and I don't ever want to be like him.

So. Okay. Thanks, I guess. And if you're going to like, grab pitchforks and torches or something, can you just let me know, first? And if you need me, I'm gonna be in the CES with some lacrosse stuff. [Which is his way of saying he's available for lighthearted sports fun if anyone needs to loosen up.]

[Filtered to all his friends, IF YOU THINK YOU ARE ON IT, YOU ARE!!]

I know it's a little late, but if we haven't talked yet can you just - let me know you're okay? Please?

[Do it, because anyone who doesn't respond will absolutely be hunted down.]

[Private to Elena]

I'm sorry. [Apologies are not hard for him: there is always something or other to apologize for, and Elena definitely, definitely deserves one. He attacked her, for no reason, he was a budding psycho, and maybe it wasn't him, but he doesn't think he could live with not apologizing.]

I know it's all messed up and that wasn't even really me, but I'm sorry. Can I, I dunno...can I do anything? Do you need anything?

[Spam for Cassel]

[Knock knock, buddy. Scott knows how to return a favor. He's got a six pack of beer in one hand and a bottle of Jack Daniels in the other.]

Scott McCall

Entries tagged with fallout is more enjoyable as a game

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