semifreakingnormal | Entries tagged with not just when it's easy

[The breach ends and Scott is exhausted, from the drifts and the new memories and the attacks. He doesn't want to think about how many people got hurt there, because it's impossible not to think of that place as real. There's another him somewhere, piloting a Jaeger with another Clementine, and they're both fighting for their lives.

He makes his way back to his bedroom and drops face first onto the bed, not realizing how long he's actually been asleep. That's where he'll be found, but the usual conga line of visitors. Except this time, he'll probably wake up when people start talking around him.]

[Public Video, later]

[Scott looks really weirded out. Like. Really. For a moment he just stares into the camera; it passes, and he shakes his head like he needs to physically clear it.]

Okay, so...I guess I was asleep for a while. Sorry, if that freaked anyone out. [A beat.] It's totally freaking me out.

Anyway, I'm back, so if anyone needs me, uh, I'm here? I guess I never actually left...[He mutters the last to himself, and decides to turn the feed off there before he starts babbling incoherently.]

[Private to Clementine]

How are you?

[It's not a lead in to something else. It's not just polite small talk. When he asks, he means it. He's worried about her, because in the unlikely chance she needed him, he wasn't awake to answer.]

[He is terrified of this assignment.

Okay, maybe not terrified - he's not afraid of Clementine, really. It's not like this is the one he has memories of. The Clementine he knows was kind of cool when he was on the verge of freaking out about being a girl. But he has those memories, and they're kind of hard to forget. He's never bitten anyone before. He's never made a beta before, and that thought does kind of terrify him. How could he put anyone else through what he went through?

...Admittedly, it's not like he'd try to give anyone creepy sleepwalking nightmares and try to force them to kill someone with him. He's pretty sure he's better than Peter in that light. But Derek had made his share of mistakes, too, and - mostly, Scott just never wants to think about what the other him had done to other her on the other Barge.

And now they're paired. He'd flipped through her file, briefly, but when he caught sight of her gruesome death, he closed it pretty firmly and headed for her cabin instead.

He remembers, from the other ship, but along the way he catches her scent, too. It's that he winds up following, opening himself up to all the things he can smell for the first time since they got back.

At her door, he hesitates, shifting his weight from foot to foot. Finally he knocks, running a hand through recently cut hair. He's about to knock again when he remembers that she was one of the ones who had been out of commission for a while, and that jars him. Had anyone even checked on her? Scott tries the knob, easing the door open to let himself in.]

[Scott's been over the death toll for a while now. Physically, at least: the aches and the pains stopped. He feels like himself, or he would, if he could get out of his head. Because that still feels clouded over, like a shroud has been thrown over him and he can't claw his way free.

He died. He should be dead. He's alive.

Those three sentences, in no particular order, chase themselves across his thoughts. But he can't let that be an excuse. No one else does. And there are more important things going on here in the dark.

When the video comes on, Scott's in his room, with some candles and a battery powered lantern lighting various parts of the room. He's sitting on his bed, his lacrosse stick sitting across his lap.]

Jack's gone. I was hoping, while I was over there - on the other Barge - I didn't have my Item there. But his name isn't on it any more, and...I can't smell him anymore.

[He stares at the lacrosse stick, thumb running over the empty spot where it used to say Jack Shepherd.]

He was a really good guy, and...I just, he deserved another chance.

I'm sorry, if anyone's been looking for him. I just hoped he was still here.

[He kills the feed.]

[Private to the Admiral]

I don't know if you're still there - God, I hope you are. But when we - get moving again, or when you're not worried about...all of this. Can you change my Item?

I was thinking my mom's watch. The one my dad gave her. I don't know if that'll work, it's not like you've ever seen it, but...If you can. Thanks.

( open spam! )

[Okay. He learned from the last time. He doesn't have to apologize. That doesn't mean he's not struggling with the memories of what he did.

Scott's eyes aren't quite red rimmed, but he is far from relaxed. It's obvious he's broadcasting from the infirmary: there still some structural damage around as the Admiral slowly fixes things.]

I'm, um.

[Sorry sorry sorry sorry. He swallows it back, draws in a shaky breath.]

I'm in the infirmary. [He looks around over his shoulder.] Obviously. I know there's not a lot the doctors can do for people who are death tolling. But one of the things I learned at home can help. I can take away pain, when I touch people. So, I'll - I'll be here. I'l be around. Just let me know if you're hurting, and I'll make it better for a while.

[He doesn't mention that he takes the pain on himself. He hopes Stiles and Dean won't say anything, either. It feels like penance, though that's not the only reason he's offering. If he can help people and feel like he's scouring away his guilt, well...then he's going to.]

[Private to Peter]

You were right. I'm definitely thanking you after.

Are you okay?

[Spam for Stiles and Lydia]

[He's been at her bedside in the infirmary since they reappeared back on the Barge, waiting for her to wake up. He knows she will. Knows it deep in his gut, because the Admiral hasn't failed them like this. He won't leave her there, and he won't leave her dead.

There's a whisper of doubt in his thought, and he's doing the best he can to banish it. It leaves his throat and mouth dry, and he doesn't know what to do.

Looking over the bed at Stiles, he draws in breath to say something, anything, but he can't. It wasn't him, but he remembers tearing her throat out, he remembers Stiles' face when it happened, and he has to look down at his hands again.]

Scott McCall

Entries tagged with not just when it's easy

( 029 ) Ω ( SPAM + VIDEO )

( 024 ) Ω ( SPAM FOR CLEMENTINE )

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