semifreakingnormal | ( 014 ) Ω ( VIDEO + SPAM )

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[Okay. He learned from the last time. He doesn't have to apologize. That doesn't mean he's not struggling with the memories of what he did.

Scott's eyes aren't quite red rimmed, but he is far from relaxed. It's obvious he's broadcasting from the infirmary: there still some structural damage around as the Admiral slowly fixes things.]

I'm, um.

[Sorry sorry sorry sorry. He swallows it back, draws in a shaky breath.]

I'm in the infirmary. [He looks around over his shoulder.] Obviously. I know there's not a lot the doctors can do for people who are death tolling. But one of the things I learned at home can help. I can take away pain, when I touch people. So, I'll - I'll be here. I'l be around. Just let me know if you're hurting, and I'll make it better for a while.

[He doesn't mention that he takes the pain on himself. He hopes Stiles and Dean won't say anything, either. It feels like penance, though that's not the only reason he's offering. If he can help people and feel like he's scouring away his guilt, well...then he's going to.]

[Private to Peter]

You were right. I'm definitely thanking you after.

Are you okay?

[Spam for Stiles and Lydia]

[He's been at her bedside in the infirmary since they reappeared back on the Barge, waiting for her to wake up. He knows she will. Knows it deep in his gut, because the Admiral hasn't failed them like this. He won't leave her there, and he won't leave her dead.

There's a whisper of doubt in his thought, and he's doing the best he can to banish it. It leaves his throat and mouth dry, and he doesn't know what to do.

Looking over the bed at Stiles, he draws in breath to say something, anything, but he can't. It wasn't him, but he remembers tearing her throat out, he remembers Stiles' face when it happened, and he has to look down at his hands again.]

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Hey, it'll be okay. It, um. Sorta happened with me and Daneca, last time.

[Which is something he really needs to talk to Stiles about, because it's just not natural not to share everything with him. He just keeps hoping for a better time.]

The memories kinda fade, though. So, I mean. It won't be weird for long, at least...

[He hits the stairs and starts trotting up two at a time, giving Stiles his best everything will be totally fine face. It's been better.]

[He arches his eyebrows at that, looking at Scott curiously as he follows him up the stairs. He's glad the memories at least fade somewhat. More for Scott's sake and Lydia's sake than anything, though he's sure there are others on the Barge that are also dealing with the fallout of what their mirror selves did. He knows Bucky is struggling with it. He wonders how Helena, the woman he found cowering under a table on the other barge, is doing now. He should probably check in on her.]

Okay, not gonna lie. Waiting on details for that one.

[And yeah, he doesn't buy that look, Scott, but he's not going to let it go for now because he's not sure that pushing so soon is going to help anything. Sometimes that just makes things worse.]

[He ducks his head, not quite smiling but getting pretty close.]

We were kind of a thing, over there. I was, uh. Trying to convince her to be a werewolf with me.

[And she'd work him and take his mind off it every time. He scratches at his jaw, shaking his head like he can shake those memories off.]

I kissed her. Here, I mean. When she woke up. I mean, not - after she woke up. We were in the CES, and I was--

[He has such bad timing. He was telling her about Allison. He was trying not to think about home, or Kira.] God, I can't believe she didn't hit me.

[Somehow that doesn't surprise Stiles. Apparently certain things just remain the same regardless of universe. He glances at Scott for a moment, arching his eyebrows as they walk. ]

Okay? Wait, why would she hit you, though? [Yeah he's kind of confused now. He was under the impression the thing with Daneca was of the mutual sort.]

Cause I was telling her about Allison.

[He scratches the back of his head, shrugging preemptively.]

It was just - it was really shitty timing. She wasn't mad, but like, I wouldn't have blamed her if she was.

[Stiles' chest tightens immediately at the name, and he wonders if it'll ever stop feeling like someone's punched him in the gut when he hears it. Probably not. He nods at Scott's comment though, expression unreadable.]

Okay but she's not mad so that's definitely a plus.

[Scott has been saying her name in his head since she died. He's been convincing himself that it'll be undone, and that she wouldn't want any of them wasting time on grief when they know it won't last. He's unmaking it and pushing it away in his head, because it's the only way he knows how to press on right now.]

Yeah. Yeah, totally. I like her a lot.

[He turns to look at Stiles as they enter the dining hall, trusting his friend to give him the truth.]

Does that make me an asshole?

[He isn't sure where he stands with Kira: he heard her say she didn't want a boyfriend, but then they'd kissed, and with everything else that happened, he doesn't know if he's doing the wrong thing with Daneca now.]

[The only time Stiles says her name is when he's sleeping. When he's dreaming. Except he isn't speaking it so much as screaming it. Sometimes Scott's screaming it. Sometimes Lydia is. Isaac, Chris. He swallows heavily, trying to tamp down on the emotions he's trying to deal with.]

Dude. [Scott's question shakes him out of his head momentarily and he lays a hand on his best friend's shoulder.] No. You're not an asshole. Things are complicated. You and...[He struggles, breath catching in his throat for a second.] Allison hadn't been together in a long time. [And honestly, Stiles has no idea what exactly was going on with Scott and Kira back home. He knew they'd gotten close, but he isn't sure how close, really. He thinks it must not be very close if Scott's so into Daneca, though. Because Scott isn't a cheater. He's just not that guy.]

So no. You're not an asshole okay? Just...trust me on that.

[Stiles struggles, and for the second it takes him to say her name, Scott feels like he can't breathe. It can't always be this way, small moments of suffocation, learning to breathe around her name again. It just can't.

At least Stiles' certainty helps. Scott nods, because he's always trusted Stiles, with everything, not least of all to check him when he needs it.]

I trust you.

[He smiles, and it's so many things - tired, sheepish, pained, but he's trying to fight them all away.]

We should all hang out. There are a bunch of teenagers on board, now. I don't think there used to be.

[He is equally parts grateful and unsettled by how easily Scott trusts him even after everything that's happened. He's honestly never been sure how he wound up so lucky in the best friend department. He doesn't think it's going to get easier for him to say or hear Allison's name, doesn't think it probably should be. But he does hope it gets easier for Scott and Lydia. He hopes he can get to the point where he's good at pretending it's easier for him too.

He is certain that Scott McCall isn't an asshole by any means. But the smile Scott gives him is so full of mixed emotion and yeah. He's right there with him, as usual.]

That'd probably be good, yeah. And I got the impression when I got here that you were basically the youngest one.

Not anymore. And anyway, there are a couple of kids around. And Mindy, she's gotta be younger than us.

[That gives him pause, and he cocks his head to the side as he grabs a pitcher and some cups from the dining hall.]

Does that mean people thought I was immature?

[He nods slightly at his comment about Mindy, and suppresses a chuckle at his question.]

Nah. I think it just unsettles some people when people our age show up as wardens on the Barge, man.

You're probably right. [yeah, he knew he was mature u_u totally u_u] Doesn't help that my inmate is like, our parents' age.

[Okay, not really, but. Still.]

[By comparison, Scott at 16 was a lot more mature than a LOT of teenagers, at least? Or so Stiles thinks. Probably more mature than he was. >.>]

Yeah, that's...gotta be kind of weird for both of you?

[Turns out getting hunted by your girlfriend's father makes you grow up a lot. Then again, most of Scott's life has led him in that direction: he still fucks up sometimes, and he knows he does, but he holds himself responsible for a lot, too.]

Sort of. I mean, it kind of worked out, like...okay, so a while back, the network freaked out. We were hearing from people who weren't on the Barge. Jack was one of them, and then like a month later, he showed up. He didn't remember, but I showed him the conversation. I kinda think that helped.

[And almost getting killed by the alpha that turned you. And almost getting killed by a psychopath controlling a kanima. And almost getting killed by the alpha pack. The darach. The nogitsune. Whatever comes after that.]

Freaked out, like...wait didn't that happen before the Silent Hill debacle, too? [He kinda remembers someone telling him about that.]

I like Jack. He seems pretty okay.

[So basically, every night of their lives since that night in the woods.

Scott shrugs a little helplessly.] I don't know. That was before I got here, and I...I haven't really asked a whole lot about that one.

[Maybe it makes him a coward, maybe he should prepare better, but from what he's gleaned, that was rare. Sort of. Maybe it'd be better to deal with things as they come.]

But Jack's great. He trusts me, anyway, so I figure that's half of it. I just don't know how to go about...redeeming someone.

[Basically. Some have definitely been worse than others, though.]

Yeah, I asked Peter about it once and he kinda -- he really didn't wanna talk about it so I never asked anything else about it from anyone else. [He chews his lip. He's played the game. He's seen the movie. He pretty much hopes the Barge never makes a return trip to the place. It's one thing when you think something is fictional. It's pretty much entirely different when you find out that it's real somewhere.]

Well yeah. I mean you're you. [Stiles isn't, and doesn't sound the least bit surprised by the admission that Jack trusts him. He can't imagine that Scott's not one of the most trusted people on the ship, really. He's just got that kind of earnestness and sincerity that people tend to trust.]

Man, I have no idea. [He rakes a hand through his hair, trying to push away the thought that immediately springs to mind: I don't even know how to redeem myself.]

[Scott is not entirely sure he'll be able to play those games again. They scared the crap out of him when they were just video games but knowing they're actually out there, that they could wind up stuck there - it's a little different from wondering if Saturday morning cartoons are real somewhere.

He waves of Stiles' words, even though it makes him smile again: Stiles knows him better than anyone, and Scott trusts him to balance out his usual assumptions that people have no reason to listen to him.]

Yeah - plus Jack's not that bad. I mean, I think he mostly just made some dumb decisions.

[He glances sidelong at Stiles, nudging him. He's not sure what exactly is going on in his friend's brain, but he can take a guess.]

We should probably get back to Lydia.

[Stiles doesn't want to play them again either. Or watch the movie again. They hadn't scared him back then, but now? He's pretty sure they would.

His best friend is a true alpha for a reason. Strength of character. It means something that a true alpha only occurs once every hundred years maybe. It means what Stiles has always known about Scott: that he is one of a kind, someone worth so much more than Scott himself ever acknowledges.]

Yeah, Jack seems pretty cool. And who hasn't made some dumb decisions?

[God knows he has. He glances at Scott when he nudges him and he shrugs a little.]

Yeah, she probably thinks we ditched her.

[Scott nods, and smiles. He feels like Jack should be easy mode, but at the same time Scott just...doesn't know what to do. He'll have to figure it out soon, though. Or this whole thing is pointless.]

Yeah. She might have fallen back asleep, or something. We should at least get this water back to her.

[And, you know. Not be awkward about....everything.]

[He kinda thinks redemption isn't going to be easy for anyone. If it's easy, would it really be redemption? He doesn't know, but he'll help however he can.]

Not much else to do when you're in a hospital bed. [He shrugs and follows him, trying not to think about how awkward all of this is. He's awkward by nature already.]

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